Below are a few examples of hilarity from The Babylon Bee.
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Vicious Tyrant Trump Wants To Let People Leave Their
Homes
WASHINGTON, D.C.—By all accounts, President Donald Trump
has now gone completely mad with power. In a press briefing, he laid out his
insidious plan.
“When I’m done with this country, everyone will be able
to leave their houses whenever they want and do whatever they want,” Trump told
the press with an evil grin. “They’ll be able to peaceably assemble in whatever
size groups they desire! Muhahaha!”
“You’re a mad man!” a CNN reporter cried. “You don’t have
the power to let people have freedom! You’re a tyrant!”
“My power is absolute!” Trump screamed. “No one can stop
me! Soon everyone will be able to go back to work and buy whatever they feel
like from the store even if bureaucrats don’t like it!”
“Noooo!” cried an MSNBC reporter. “You have to arrest
people who don’t do what the government tells them! Who do you think you are?
Someone stop him!”
But no one came to stop him, and Trump just laughed an
evil laugh.
It is unknown if anything can be done about Trump, but
many hope that the Constitution has enough checks and balances to keep one
man from giving out freedom by fiat.
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Bernie Tests Negative For President
BURLINGTON, VT—From one of his many sprawling homes,
Bernie Sanders announced today that he has tested negative for president.
Addressing concerned supporters, Sanders broke the news
that medical professionals have informed him he is 100% negative for president.
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China Impressed By Michigan Governor's Totalitarian Policies
BEIJING—In a candid speech Tuesday, President Xi Jinping
stated he was "pretty impressed" by Michigan Governor Gretchen
Whitmer's handling of the coronavirus outbreak, specifically praising her
totalitarian policies.
China's dictator said he was actually a little jealous he
hadn't thought of some of her ideas himself.
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Obama: 'Biden Has Touched Us All'
U.S.—Former president Barack Obama endorsed Joe Biden for
president in a touching, intimate video Tuesday, saying, "Biden has
touched us all."
Many were worried Obama wasn't going to endorse Biden,
but he came through for the DNC establishment, telling everyone how deeply and
personally Biden has touched everyone he has ever worked with.
