WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House issued a dire warning this week, reminding the nation that Elon's continued ownership of Twitter means they now only control 97% of the media.
"We can't overstate how dangerous this is," said gay black
Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "Yes, we still control
Facebook, Google, Apple, Instagram, YouTube, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN,
MSNBC, The Washington Post, The New York Times, Hollywood, TIME,
USAToday, The Wall Street Journal, and pretty much all the rest,
but we don't control Twitter. This is dangerous to
democracy."
The entire intelligence community at the CIA, FBI, and
NSA concurred with the warning, stating that "Elon's ownership
of Twitter leaves America vulnerable to dangerous opinions we do
not approve of." Leaders with the agencies are recommending
immediate investigations to bring down the Twitter CEO provided
their planned drone strike doesn't work first.
"Democracy is at stake," said all the agency leaders in a
shared statement in which they all recited the words
simultaneously in a robotic monotone. "We must do
something. Democracy is at stake."
At publishing time, several watchdog groups had underscored the
warning, pointing to a 128% increase in exposure to
unapproved opinions since Musk's Twitter purchase.
