Saturday, May 02, 2020

The Babylon Bee: Fake news you can trust!

 Launched on March 1, 2016, The Babylon Bee is a news satire website that publishes satirical articles on religion, politics, current events, and well-known public figures. With intentional irony, the site describes itself as "the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims."

Below are a few examples of hilarity from The Babylon Bee.



Vicious Tyrant Trump Wants To Let People Leave Their Homes

WASHINGTON, D.C.—By all accounts, President Donald Trump has now gone completely mad with power. In a press briefing, he laid out his insidious plan.

“When I’m done with this country, everyone will be able to leave their houses whenever they want and do whatever they want,” Trump told the press with an evil grin. “They’ll be able to peaceably assemble in whatever size groups they desire! Muhahaha!”

“You’re a mad man!” a CNN reporter cried. “You don’t have the power to let people have freedom! You’re a tyrant!”

“My power is absolute!” Trump screamed. “No one can stop me! Soon everyone will be able to go back to work and buy whatever they feel like from the store even if bureaucrats don’t like it!”

“Noooo!” cried an MSNBC reporter. “You have to arrest people who don’t do what the government tells them! Who do you think you are? Someone stop him!”

But no one came to stop him, and Trump just laughed an evil laugh.

It is unknown if anything can be done about Trump, but many hope that the Constitution has enough checks and balances to keep one man from giving out freedom by fiat.


Bernie Tests Negative For President

BURLINGTON, VT—From one of his many sprawling homes, Bernie Sanders announced today that he has tested negative for president.

Addressing concerned supporters, Sanders broke the news that medical professionals have informed him he is 100% negative for president.


China Impressed By Michigan Governor's Totalitarian Policies

BEIJING—In a candid speech Tuesday, President Xi Jinping stated he was "pretty impressed" by Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer's handling of the coronavirus outbreak, specifically praising her totalitarian policies.
China's dictator said he was actually a little jealous he hadn't thought of some of her ideas himself.


Obama: 'Biden Has Touched Us All'

U.S.—Former president Barack Obama endorsed Joe Biden for president in a touching, intimate video Tuesday, saying, "Biden has touched us all."

Many were worried Obama wasn't going to endorse Biden, but he came through for the DNC establishment, telling everyone how deeply and personally Biden has touched everyone he has ever worked with.